Got Communication?
As the years have passed we’ve advanced in using technology to communicate whether it is through email, texting, or social media. We find ourselves deciding to text vs call because it is faster and more convenient. Communication online has its pros, but it also comes with cons. The less face to face communication we have the more scared you are to talk to people. This is a big reason that Depression and Anxiety rates have skyrocketed since the increase in social media use.
In today’s world with all of the alternatives to communication it can be difficult to get your point across clearly. So much of our communication comes through our phones so words don’t always come across right. Have you ever found yourself reading a text and automatically insert tone to their sentence? That is where our lines of communication get crossed because we can’t see emotion or pick up on their body language. People say “that's why we have emojis” but there isn’t an emoji for everything, and people are often left trying to encode their messages if they don’t know or understand the person that well. Harold B. Lee says this about understanding communication in Marriage and Family, “In Marriage and Family it is not enough to communicate until understood, but communicate so clearly it can’t be misunderstood.” It can be hard to understand people at times in person, so it gets even harder when you are not face to face. You also don’t know if the person understood what you were saying , or if they even received it if you never receive feedback.
It can be hard to communicate successfully with someone, so here are 5 secrets to Effective Communication by David D. Burns
5 Secrets to Effective Communication
The Disarming Technique: Seek and find some truth in what the other person is saying, even if it seems totally unreasonable or unfair to you.
Empathy: Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and try to see the world through his/her eyes.
Feeling empathy – Acknowledge how he/she is probably feeling. For example, (husband speaking), “So then the clerk told me to go to the end of the line and that was about all I could take.” (wife speaking) “It sounds like that must have made you really angry.”
Thought empathy – Paraphrase the other person’s words. For example, (wife speaking), “I have fourteen things to do that all have to get done by noon today, so I would love to have some help with some of this!” (husband speaking) “You have a lot of things to do today, and you could use my help right now. Is that right?”
Inquiry: Ask gentle, probing questions to learn more about what the other person is thinking and feeling.
SELF-EXPRESSION SKILLS
“I Feel” Statements: Use “I feel” statements, such as “I feel upset,” rather that “you” statements, such as “You’re wrong!”, or “You’re making me furious!”
Stroking: Find something genuinely positive to say to the other person, even in the heat of battle. Doing so conveys an attitude of respect, even though you may feel very angry with the other person at the moment.
In marriage and in families it is not uncommon to fight or have ineffective communication, so it can be helpful to follow these steps if the conversation goes differently than you were wanting. Along with communication in families you will have to make big decisions with one another, and will use communication to tell your thoughts, opinions, and feelings on the decisions. Depending on what the decisions or problems are you will need to decide what is appropriate to involve your kids in or just keep it between the parents. Some types of decision making is
Separate= Make decisions on your own
Council= Pray with Heavenly Father and have an open discussion with family or with spouse.
Debate= Convince each other
Argue= Fight about it
Trade= You got your way last time.
Compromise= Eliminates tension and anger- Work Together to decide “our way” -
Full Compromise= Both agree and come to decision
Negative Compromise= Meet in middle and both not get their way.
The next time you have to use communication when solving a problem or are simply talking to someone, remember to think about the 5 secrets of communication and what type of decision making you are going to do.
Comentarios